I ask it all the time. But when one is lying in a hospital bed having just been diagnosed with blood clots in both legs when they thought there were going to be at a table read for a pilot TV show with execs in the room, it’s a particularly effective question: What’s right about this I’m not getting?
When I arrived in my room, not really having much info other than, “You have to go to the hospital right now,” I took a pic and posted it on FB. My sister, met me there and had already posted something. I was told the doctor was going to be there. He wasn’t. I was going to be injected with a blood thinner, but no IV treatment. Wasn’t this serious? What’s right about this I’m not getting?
The nurse comes in to take my blood at 5am. I’m still all woozy from the lack of sleep, though I had time to myself that I haven’t had in a little while. I wrote 4 new riffs, worked on some charts, played some video games, basically chilled and created. After she jabs me in the arm and walks out, I check my phone. Oh, more than a few notifications that people were commenting on my hospital visit. So tired… I’ll read this when I’m awake. What’s right about this I’m not getting?
When I finally get up, a cute Filipino nurse tells me she’s there to help me. I get online and friends from all parts of my life, from all over the world are sending me healing thoughts and prayers. I’m not 100% sure if this situation is serious enough, but apparently a bunch of people have been affected by something like this and have had far worse experiences than mine. I get my hospital breakfast, which is typically awful. This one lived up to expectation. But for me, these hospital meals remind me of when I’d visit my mom or dad at work and they’d take me to the cafeteria. There are very few things that make me this nostalgic for my folks. I think I’ll give them a call later. What’s right about this I’m not getting?
I hop back online to see what’s up and friends from my trip to Seattle start messaging me. One spends 30 minutes helping me see something I’ve had trouble seeing before: How other people see me. She tells me they adore me. That I’m loved and super talented. And that she’s really grateful to be in my life. I’m completely blown away. She points out how many people have wished me well and how many people I impacted in Seattle. I’m completely blown away by this. And I sit there and ask my body to receive all the contribution that was coming my way from the universe. I start to cry. What’s right about this I’m not getting?
I’m waiting for my CT scan, but it’s delayed for some reason. What’s supposed to take 30 minutes was now taking 2 hours. When I got back to the room, even more people have commented on FB. I had a bunch of text messages asking if I was ok. Some voicemails. People wondering if this is going to affect my next cruise ship contract. And I start to realize, if it did, it would be ok. I’d get to spend more time in LA with my music mentor, go on auditions, and start booking summer gigs all around SoCal. My sister shows up with my two favorite people in the world, my niece and nephew. They are very cute. One becomes super annoying. The other, super removed and funny. I love them both so much. What’s right about this I’m not getting?
The doctor finally comes in and tells me what’s going on and what he thinks is going on. He says the treatment is the same despite not knowing exactly how this came about. But it’s all good news and I’m going to be fine. I go to tell my parents who are so happy. I text everyone back. Everyone’s relieved. I call an amazing person I just met who charms me on the phone. She’s also a medical professional, so she asks all these questions and knows what’s up. I get off the phone with her, have a lovely tuna salad, check FB. Even more people telling me they have my back. What’s right about this I’m not getting?
Now I’m back in the hospital bed. Due to insurance regulations, it’s faster and easier for me to stay an extra night for a CT scan than just go home and come later. I’ve got my guitar, laptop, iPads and a really great night nurse who’s a great personification of the entire staff. My eyelids are getting heavier as I punch out these last words knowing a little bit more how much luckier I am than most to have a great batch of people who care about me. That my body has gotten some answers it didn’t have before. And I’m really excited about life and what’s to come, what I choose to create, and what the universe is ready to gift to me what I’ve been asking for for a long time.
So, what’s right about all this I’m not getting? :-)